Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My first time.

When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into "You show me yours, I'll show you mine." So anyway there I was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So what did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "Fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "Naw forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Alpha male.

I'm an Alpha male.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Axe Body Spray

Imagine if the commercials were reversed, and it showed a woman getting chased and tackled by a group of horny men?

How well do you think that would go over?